6/21/09

Untitled (thriller)

In the Metro park a young man with a dismal appearance gazes into the sky as he moves himself gently backward and forward on an old rusty swing. Closer inspection of his looks tells the world he's older than he seems. His eyes are hard and fierce with a blue bombardier stare. A handsome face forever scarred here and there by who knows what. One lone black teardrop drips from his left eye as a permanent reminder of what he's done. Thin dark wisps of facial hair line his pronounced chin and jaw. Long, somewhat greasy black hair is pushed behind his ears, showing all these telling features. He pretends to be ignorant of the uneasy glances people give him as they walk past. If only they knew what he really was, could really do.

Today is a day like any other. He knows where he's going and what he's going to do. Rising from the swing he decides to set out for a different, more secluded location. Every intention in his mind is far from what it should be. Plotting slowly and pragmatically he wanders onward down a long street with a dead end. Each building he passes is unoccupied and most are all together abandoned. A broken chain link fence attempts to keep people out of the wooded lot at the very end of the road. Today, the fence's attempts will fail as they have so many times before.

He pushes down a section of the fence and then walks into the enormous lot, moving past a large amount of beer bottles and papers to a small clearing at the center of four towering trees. From the clearing he can see in the distance a railroad track that's been unused for a good three years and even farther on, a highway. No one can see him in his hidden area and he is tremendously satisfied with that fact.

The clearing has always been his favourite place and often times he finds himself returning to it for a little piece of mind. He sits down in the middle of his special place, being careful not to end up in any mud. As the wind blows through his hair, many ideas occur to him seemingly at once. There had been the possibility of using this area for many many things and now he knows what thing it will be best suited for. Spending only a little longer to contemplate the beauty of his thoughts, he then gets up to leave.

After a long time of walking, he returns to the inner city Metro park. Night is falling and he understands that darkness will be his friend. He wishes not to linger in the park, it's too occupied. On he walks to a large parking lot outside a shopping mall. Here he waits as he watches people come and go. Finally, he happens upon someone who he would like to be acquainted with.

A young woman, perhaps eighteen or nineteen, is walking into the mall with a couple of friends. She's reasonably attractive with long dark brown hair, dark green eyes, and nearly tan, flawless skin. She's dressed in alright clothing, not exactly skanky but very far from prudish.

Not wanting to waste time, the young man follows her into the building. His goal is simple and straightforward. His plan, however, is not as perfect as he'd like it to be.

To gain the young lady's attention he sneaks up behind her and her friends and out of the blue asks if he knows her. Clearly startled, she turns around and sees what asked the question. Shyness creeps up into her and she politely tells him she doesn't have any idea who he is. Charmingly, he apologizes for having bothered her but continues to attempt some form of conversation. He goes on with a few random questions. Her friends were smiling as she tried to answer in as few words as possible. This would not do. He figures he must introduce himself and does so with a fake name. She responds with her real name and seems to be getting slightly annoyed. To keep her attention he asks if perhaps he could have a moment alone with her. Creeped out but not wanting to be rude, she agrees and walks with him outside.

"Would you like to go for a walk?" he asks very confidently.
Thinking that if the weirdo did anything she could fight him off, she says ok.
"Do you mind if it's a long walk? I've got something to show you."
"No, I don't mind, but if you turn out to be a serial killer my friends know I'm with you and know your name."
He admires her thinking but finds it tremendously foolish; As if puting the words "serial killer" in her sentence would automatically save her.
"I'm not a serial killer, not yet anyway" he laughs sarcastically and looks at her, she wasn't laughing but didn't seem too uncomfortable with his humour.
For a while they walk in silence and then she tells him something he hadn't heard in a while.
"You're kind of cute. You might be even better looking if you didn't have that tattoo under your eye and cut your hair."
"Thanks...I think."
He was starting to like this woman but didn't want to. It had been eons since someone called him attractive though.
"Where are we going?"
"It's a surprise."
"I think this was a bad idea, can we go back?"
The fear in her voice was echoing in his mind, he was smiling at the thoughts it was bringing him. Noticing his grin she stops walking and turns around. Before she can get very far he grabs her arm and pulls her to him. Not even thinking about what he was doing, he pulls out his pocket knife and holds it to her throat. She lets out a small squeak.
"Walk!"
He pushes her away from him and follows close behind with the knife to her back. The lot with the clearing is close. They only need to walk a few more blocks before he can accomplish his goal for the evening.
"You're going to kill me aren't you?"
"Maybe, maybe not, it's up to you." he states coldly.
"You can't, they know who you are!" she yells.
"If you keep shouting like that, I'll kill you now."
"You can't."
"Oh yes, I can, do you think I'd give my real name? I planned this whole damn thing out this afternoon." his anger at her stupidity is showing vividly.
"To think I trusted you just because you looked alright. I feel stupid."
"Who cares? Shut up already." despite his harsh tone, he again can't help feeling a little bit of liking for her, simply because she called him cute.
Approaching the final block he decides to pick on his new little "friend".
"There's a clearing in that lot at the end of the street. No one can see in it but I can see out. I wonder what games we should play back there? Any suggestions?" he laughs at her as she tries to hold back crying.
Further they walk until they reach the chain link fence. He puts his knife in his left hand and grabs the woman with his right. He leads her past the beer bottles and all the way to the clearing. She stands in the middle of it, staring out at the old railroad and the highway, thinking all hope is lost. He smiles with a sinister grin wondering if perhaps he should continue or if he's scared her enough.


-----author's note------
in some ways i liked this story, but in others i did not. if anyone has any ideas on how to improve it, feel free to share. there was a time i had planned on extending it, but i do believe the ending leaves one wondering if perhaps there could be a turn around in the circumstances. To those who have read it...what do you think; should she be assaulted, killed, fight and get away, be rescued, talk herself out of the situation or should our main character let her go of his own free will?

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